Yielding to Shades of Self

I’ve been struggling…there I’ve said it!

Why is that so frightening to say to yourself or others?

I think because it’s shame-based, to the person who admits it and to those who hear it; or it feels like you’re admitting to a character flaw. Many people don’t know what to do with the feelings that come with struggles.

Neither do I, but I do know that getting it outside of myself, helps me to see it in front of me and allows me to do something about it, instead of letting the struggles roasts me like meat on a rotisserie!

I don’t need to get in the specifics of the struggles, it is safe enough to say “I have struggles or I’m struggling”. I am no different from other people who struggle, except maybe, I’m saying it out loud today and writing it for all to see, if they want.

I think that people are always willing to share the wonderful and beautiful things of life, but never the shades or shadows of one’s life/self. It makes us vulnerable and open. Yet, I have always found the greatest lessons, in the messiest parts my life. It shows that we are all apart of a zigzag journey, that calls us to the same place in the end.

Believe me, I’m not trying to be deep, philosophical or depressing; it’s just a real thing for me now. It is in this part of the journey that I have find, I am human, not in a theoretical sense, but in the daily grind of life. So it’s not important that I share the exact struggles, but that I struggle. I share my happiness here all the time, so today, it’s struggling, that I’m sharing and everyone, and I mean everyone struggles. To not acknowledge that feels dishonest, so today, I share this and to let someone know…that we are struggling together.

It may not apply to you today, but maybe it will one day and you’ll remember this post and know that you’re never alone in it. It is in the struggles, that shows me that I am alive…living in the shade…coming to light daily.

Hibernation is almost over, Spring is coming…more light…more hope!

19 Comments »
  1. Cycles of life/light. The key is holding onto the light or always seeking it when facing those dark days. Recognizing that it is always there for us to hold onto is halfway to achieving!!
    Here is to creativity, hope and the light waiting to engulf and guide us!!

    Comment by Vanessa — March 17, 2012 @ 5:44 pm

  2. I'm struggling, too…

    Comment by Zurn — March 17, 2012 @ 6:12 pm

  3. Oh Indigene, we're all struggling. You're right, though. It's not something we talk about often. We're all just human. And you are particularly sensitive – it really shows in your artwork!

    Comment by Abby — March 17, 2012 @ 8:37 pm

  4. I'm always at least half in the shade; the better to balance us, my dear! Take care!

    Comment by Lynette — March 17, 2012 @ 9:17 pm

  5. Sometimes I think that we should talk more about our struggles because everything looks too sunny for the people who aren't on top of the world at that moment. Other times I think we should shut up about our struggles because we might bring somebody down who isn't struggling at that moment. But yeah, we all struggle. I can relate!

    Comment by Linda Hensley — March 18, 2012 @ 9:04 am

  6. I hear you, Linda! There are so many lessons in all of life, even in the messiest parts. At least, that's been my experience. Yep, we all struggle, some more than others! It's good that there are people willing to put both parts of life out there, so that we can all know that we are connected to the joys and the struggles. Thanks for weighing in on this. :)

    Comment by indigene1 — March 18, 2012 @ 1:53 pm

  7. I think it’s so brave that you were so honest with your feelings. There is no shame in struggling – we are all, as you say, human. Yes, at one point or another we all face struggles. They may not be the same struggles, and sometimes they might be exactly the same. But what matters is how we deal with our struggles, how we adjust, how we share and how we lean on one other so that we may move forward. Whatever you are struggling with, I hope you are on the brighter side of it now. And I hope you know that I appreciate you putting your feelings out there, as they connect us all through empathy.

    Comment by vanessa_brea — March 19, 2012 @ 12:23 pm

  8. Hi Vanessa!

    Thanks so much for your encouragement and comments! The brighter side is in sight, I know! Sending you warmth and peace.

    Comment by indigene1 — March 19, 2012 @ 2:13 pm

  9. I am the president of the Stuggling Club. Thank so much for joining us. Girl you ain't said nothing. Honestly, I think it's that season for us. It can bring depression and we have to keep moving and not become stuck in it. How do we do that??? Stop being so hard on ourselves and stop being so judgmental of our own selves. We are human and we are going to miss it sometimes and everything we do artistically is not going to wow us, but sometimes it's not meant for us, but for someone else. I believe that a great change is coming for all of us and we have to make a choice to move forward when it comes. Struggling can bring us into what we needed to be doing in the first place. It's there for a reason and that is for you to press through it and come out on the other side with more color and texture in your lives palette. Sending you so much joy and peace today darling! Class dismissed!

    Comment by Vanessa — March 20, 2012 @ 5:39 am

  10. Nesa! I knew you were going to give me that wonderful sister wisdom! I can only bow to the President of the club. ROFLOL! You are always such a breath of fresh air and sage advice! Thank you so much for taking time out and commenting. Hmmm…I'm thinking I need a trip to NC for an in-person session! I'm feeling the love and hearing the lesson, thank you so much, Beloved!

    Comment by indigene1 — March 20, 2012 @ 10:05 am

  11. Oh, Indigene. Your self-critiquing art is very painful. You are right, we all struggle at some point, and perhaps it is a good thing to just acknowledge it and let it out. I believe at some level, struggling is good because it leads to improvement and change and motivation to push boundaries. I hope, my dear friend, that you are no longer struggling. I hope you have found your stride and are charging forward in the spring sunshine. xoxo

    Comment by bella sinclair — March 26, 2012 @ 4:58 pm

  12. what a beautiful post! i think lots of people share their daily struggles on fb, at least my friends do lol. i am hugging you and you are just fine, you have to go through this now, but you will not always feel this way, love to you

    Comment by valerie walsh — March 28, 2012 @ 1:45 am

  13. I don't think one can achieve a certain age without struggles. I'm with ya.

    Comment by elenacaravela — April 20, 2012 @ 7:41 am

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