The Sight of Me…

Art journaling really helps you to look inward. For me, it operates as a visual diary of thoughts, ideas, issues, personal junk and humor.

One recurring theme with me is I love creating portraits of women, archetypes, goddesses and mythical women, in general.

What I don’t do and realized I don’t like is self-portraits or photos of myself. I never have! In looking through my Mom’s old photos, I realized that there are probably 20 photos of me from childhood until now! I was always camera-shy and really hated it, when there was a family photo-shoot. (I probably get this from my Mom’s side of the family, they weren’t very keen on picture-taking and if it wasn’t for my Dad, there wouldn’t be any pixs of our family!)

It’s only been lately, that I wonder why? When I was younger, I thought it was because I was a skinny child with glasses, as a teen, it was because of acne, as a young woman, I was too busy, going to school full-time and working one full-time job and a part-time job, who had time for fun! My excuse now is, outside of family and possibly a few friends, who wants a picture of a round 50+ woman! :)

Now, wait a minute, before, I get all those comments, about how I must love myself, and there’s nothing wrong with plus-size. Let me state, for the records, “No, I don’t hate my body”.  I’m just not keen on taking pictures and I always have an excuse as to why I don’t want to.

My family doesn’t fight me on photo-ops anymore, they just accept it and try to sneak shots of me, when I’m not paying attention! :) (But, they can’t get away with it, because all the cameras, in the house are mine…all ten of them, including three video cameras!) I have a sneaky suspicion that my Mother-in-law has loads of pixs of me…she sneaks them in and won’t accept “No” on the photo-taking!!!!! (Well, that’s another story) Lol!

Lately, I’ve been really looking at myself…loving myself and realizing who I am on the inside and always quietly amused by the outside…:) I’m still that girl who like to lay on the grass looking at clouds or skipping around in a circle, blowing on those willowy weeds that scatter everywhere. I’m just now thicker, deeper, wiser and  honor that happy woman/child, daily!

I can finally say, the sight of me is the inner growth that has let me  love myself, and that is the most beautiful sight of all. I won’t be taking  more photos, but I will be sharing myself through my art and art journaling, because that sight is very precious to me.

Look deep inside, the real you is there, in all your glory! Peace to you and yours.

P.S. Thank you, Nancy Bea Miller (a true doll!) for your portrait of me, I used it as my reference for drawing me in my art journal! You always see the best in me! :)

Image: Copyright-2012 Indigene Theresa Gaskin – Mixed Media Art Journal Page

  1. So insightful! Well done, Indigene!

    Comment by jerened — May 20, 2012 @ 7:08 am

  2. Indigene, love the page, and the words are wonderful :)

    Comment by Annie — May 20, 2012 @ 8:54 am

  3. Indigene,

    I think this is a common attitude about self-portraits. We all have our own reasons. I have found portraiture for me has always been a favourite thing to do, all kinds of portraiture. My attitude toward self- ortraiture has changed in that is about looking at who you are, beyond what it is I see, and capturing my essence, just like I would approach any portrait. Self- portraiture for me is about acceptance, of the way I look as well, and that's not always easy, still a work in progress.
    For my third year in painting class I did a nude self-portrait of myself,based on one of my favourite artists, Eric Fichsl and his painting, " Portrait of the Artist as an Old Man". That was an interesting process! Here's the link to my post,
    I think you'll relate!

    Comment by catherine meyers — May 20, 2012 @ 9:07 am

  4. I think that we are cut from the same cloth. And, I think you are beautiful!

    Comment by Lynette — May 20, 2012 @ 9:58 am

  5. I also got to my first drawn self portrait this week. It has a resemblance but I'm now analyzing what is missing for it to be immediately recognizable as ME. Like you I am usually the photo taker and so there are few shots of me. This has boosted my interest in self portraiture….think I will dabble a bit more. I think your page this week is fabulous. bravo!

    Comment by michele — May 20, 2012 @ 11:14 am

  6. What beautiful insight. Oh my. I only take nature photos for a reason and hate to pose for any people photos myself. Thanks for sharing!

    Comment by Sharon Wagner — May 21, 2012 @ 7:40 am

  7. I hate getting my picture taken too. I have a knack for making the wrong face or looking my worst when I see the camera. I don't know how other people manage to smile the perfect smile every time the shutter clicks, but I have figured out that if you let someone you trust take a boatload of pictures, sooner or later you'll relax enough to get actual expressions and the pictures look more right. I love your self portrait, especially the color against the b/w.

    Comment by Linda Hensley — May 21, 2012 @ 7:48 am

  8. This is a very cool and colorful piece! Beautiful!
    I suppose I should feel honored as I have a photograph of you.

    (By the way, we have something in common. I love myself, too.)

    Comment by joshpincusiscrying — May 22, 2012 @ 12:39 pm

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