Art journaling really helps you to look inward. For me, it operates as a visual diary of thoughts, ideas, issues, personal junk and humor.
One recurring theme with me is I love creating portraits of women, archetypes, goddesses and mythical women, in general.
What I don’t do and realized I don’t like is self-portraits or photos of myself. I never have! In looking through my Mom’s old photos, I realized that there are probably 20 photos of me from childhood until now! I was always camera-shy and really hated it, when there was a family photo-shoot. (I probably get this from my Mom’s side of the family, they weren’t very keen on picture-taking and if it wasn’t for my Dad, there wouldn’t be any pixs of our family!)
It’s only been lately, that I wonder why? When I was younger, I thought it was because I was a skinny child with glasses, as a teen, it was because of acne, as a young woman, I was too busy, going to school full-time and working one full-time job and a part-time job, who had time for fun! My excuse now is, outside of family and possibly a few friends, who wants a picture of a round 50+ woman! 🙂
Now, wait a minute, before, I get all those comments, about how I must love myself, and there’s nothing wrong with plus-size. Let me state, for the records, “No, I don’t hate my body”. I’m just not keen on taking pictures and I always have an excuse as to why I don’t want to.
My family doesn’t fight me on photo-ops anymore, they just accept it and try to sneak shots of me, when I’m not paying attention! 🙂 (But, they can’t get away with it, because all the cameras, in the house are mine…all ten of them, including three video cameras!) I have a sneaky suspicion that my Mother-in-law has loads of pixs of me…she sneaks them in and won’t accept “No” on the photo-taking!!!!! (Well, that’s another story) Lol!
Lately, I’ve been really looking at myself…loving myself and realizing who I am on the inside and always quietly amused by the outside…:) I’m still that girl who like to lay on the grass looking at clouds or skipping around in a circle, blowing on those willowy weeds that scatter everywhere. I’m just now thicker, deeper, wiser and honor that happy woman/child, daily!
I can finally say, the sight of me is the inner growth that has let me love myself, and that is the most beautiful sight of all. I won’t be taking more photos, but I will be sharing myself through my art and art journaling, because that sight is very precious to me.
Look deep inside, the real you is there, in all your glory! Peace to you and yours.
P.S. Thank you, Nancy Bea Miller (a true doll!) for your portrait of me, I used it as my reference for drawing me in my art journal! You always see the best in me! 🙂
Image: Copyright-2012 Indigene Theresa Gaskin – Mixed Media Art Journal Page
jerened said
So insightful! Well done, Indigene!
indigene1 said
Thanks so much, Jerene! You know I appreciate my heroine comments! 🙂 🙂
Annie said
Indigene, love the page, and the words are wonderful 🙂
indigene1 said
Annie, thanks so much, your words are wonderful, too! 🙂
catherine meyers said
Indigene,
I think this is a common attitude about self-portraits. We all have our own reasons. I have found portraiture for me has always been a favourite thing to do, all kinds of portraiture. My attitude toward self- ortraiture has changed in that is about looking at who you are, beyond what it is I see, and capturing my essence, just like I would approach any portrait. Self- portraiture for me is about acceptance, of the way I look as well, and that's not always easy, still a work in progress.
For my third year in painting class I did a nude self-portrait of myself,based on one of my favourite artists, Eric Fichsl and his painting, " Portrait of the Artist as an Old Man". That was an interesting process! Here's the link to my post, http://catherinemeyersartist.blogspot.ca/2011/01/…
I think you'll relate!
indigene1 said
Catherine, thanks so much, I'm going over to check out your blog post!! I'm going to think real hard on a nude of me! That will only be for my husband's consumption! Lol! :
Lynette said
I think that we are cut from the same cloth. And, I think you are beautiful!
indigene1 said
Thank you so much, Lynette! Then it must be the best cloth! 🙂
michele said
I also got to my first drawn self portrait this week. It has a resemblance but I'm now analyzing what is missing for it to be immediately recognizable as ME. Like you I am usually the photo taker and so there are few shots of me. This has boosted my interest in self portraiture….think I will dabble a bit more. I think your page this week is fabulous. bravo!
indigene1 said
Michele, thanks so much for stopping by and letting me know what you're up to!
Self-portraiture brings about a lot of thought processes. I think for me it has a lot to do with what and how I feel about art and how much time I take away from my family to create and it's another level of self-absorption, so doing the portrait feels doubly so! If that makes any sense! 🙂 The one thing about art is that it can lead you to many places emotionally and mentally!
Keep me posted on your process around self-portraits! Thanks again! 🙂
Sharon Wagner said
What beautiful insight. Oh my. I only take nature photos for a reason and hate to pose for any people photos myself. Thanks for sharing!
indigene1 said
Thank you so much, Sharon! Nature looks beautiful, no matter when, where, how or who is taking the photo! That's what so amazing about nature, too! It's good to know that I'm in good company in the "no-photo of me" club! Lol!
Linda Hensley said
I hate getting my picture taken too. I have a knack for making the wrong face or looking my worst when I see the camera. I don't know how other people manage to smile the perfect smile every time the shutter clicks, but I have figured out that if you let someone you trust take a boatload of pictures, sooner or later you'll relax enough to get actual expressions and the pictures look more right. I love your self portrait, especially the color against the b/w.
indigene1 said
Linda, it's definitely something I find among artists, although, I don't have a problem, with my artist friends painting me! Hmm…that's probably a whole other reasoning behind that…I have a friend who over the years, I've never seen a bad picture of her and she's so beautiful, now how does that happen?
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting, b/w faces with color surrounding the portrait is my signature style! 🙂
Linda Hensley said
I never noticed before, but I think you're absolutely right that artists do let other artists draw/paint them. I've let that happen myself. Cool observation! I think maybe because an artist paints the person instead of just a split second of externals like a camera?
indigene1 said
Linda, I think that right! Besides, letting an artist paint you is an entirely different experience and a level of trust involved, at least that's been my experience. It's more relational building and can be more memorable that a quick photo flash! 🙂
joshpincusiscrying said
This is a very cool and colorful piece! Beautiful!
I suppose I should feel honored as I have a photograph of you.
(By the way, we have something in common. I love myself, too.)
indigene1 said
Lol! Mr. Pincus, must you remind me?! Lol! That is what I like about you is your confidence and way of thinking! 🙂